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Dantastic Book Reviews

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Who Killed John F. Kennedy? - Justin Sewell, Michael  Schaub, Paul Stranger As the young son of Dallas's inept police chief, you take it upon yourself to solve JFK's murder. Can you?

No, you cannot, for this a parody of the Choose Your Own Adventure books you read as a kid, put out by the sick bastards at Despair.Com, makers of such hilarity as the Demotivational posters, like this one:


The book is written in a style that mimics the old CYOA books perfectly while still managing to mock it. I was gripped with nostalgia from the onset and it captivated me for a couple lunch breaks.

Attempt 1: Joined a group dedicated to revealing government conspiracies, wound up dead at Area 51 after stumbling upon the fake moon landing.
Attempt 2: Got into trouble after wetting the bed during a vivid dream and not hiding the evidence before going back to the police station.
Attempt 3: Wet the bed again, hid the evidence, but was ratted out by my nemesis/girlfriend Jenni Mudd.
Attempt 4: Made it to Area 51 again only to be mauled by a polar bear.
Attempt 5: Investigated the CIA connection to the assassination, only to be publicly branded a homosexual at a press conference.
Attempt 6: Investigated mob ties which led to David Ferrie, which led to me finding out crucial conspiratorial evidence, which led to me dying via a CIA suicide coin.
Attempt 7: Investigated Oswald, made a deal with J. Edgar Hoover, teamed up with Jenni Mudd, and wound up being a brainwashed assassin that killed RFK. This one was my favorite.
Attempt 8: Almost joined Altair (from #1), teamed up with Jenni Mudd, wound up getting lobotomized in Springfield, Missouri.

After 8 attempts, there were still a wealth of possibilities judging by me flipping through the rest of the book. I never met Dan Rather, for instance.

For a Choose Your Own Adventure type book and a parody at that, this thing seemed really well researched. There are even endnotes!

For what it is, I'm giving it a four. It should not be measured against other 4's on my shelf but was really entertaining while I was reading it.