As a favor to a friend, Alexandra Aluminum interviews entrepreneur Pagan Taupe. Taupe soon introduces Alexandra to a sexual world she never knew existed...
First off, DO NOT try to read this in your cube while pretending to work. The laughter that replaces your usual muffled sobbing will be a clue that you're up to something.
Where do I start with this? Spray cheese sex? A clown chained to the wall of the sex chamber? A KKK themed restaurant (It's KKK-razy good!)? Disgusting sex acts like Dirty Sanchezes and pink neckties and Polish bike rides and Cosby sweaters?
Yeah, I'll just start by saying this is the funniest S&M themed book I've ever received from a female Goodreads author. Not only is it funny, it's very well-written. The laughs per page density is frighteningly high, mostly due to Court Burback's fantastic similes and comedic timing.
I don't want to spoil too much but here are a few quotes:
“Little Rock Abortion Clinic. No fetus can beat us. How may I direct your call?”
“Why don’t you meet me at my hotel room at eleven thirty? I’m in Little Rock on business this weekend. I’m staying at the Skundlebump Lodge.”
Damn, I think. That’s one of Arkansas’s finest motels. Or at least the only one I know of where the remote isn’t bolted to the nightstand.
"I’m sorry if I came off as a bit…controlling,” he says with a mischievous grin.
“But I’m a man that enjoys exerting control, you see. And I believe that there are those
that would actually enjoy relinquishing their will to feed my—” He sighs. “I don’t know how many other ways there are to insinuate that I like control, Miss Aluminum. But it’s important that someone, say, a bored, sexually frustrated housewife, understand that
we’re blatantly and unimaginatively setting up a future sexual dynamic here.”
"I cry and beg like a Mike Tyson girlfriend until he agrees."
"The wind pummels my face the way Charlie Sheen pummels things with ovaries."
I wanted to quote more but pretty soon I'd be quoting the entire book.
Any complaints? No! Now go buy this so Court Burback's self-esteem will be such that she'll write a full length novel!